Thor

Hello! I am in the midst of writing a real recap, but it's taking a while. Luckily, tonight after consuming some... beverages... I live-tweeted the movie Thor. You won't learn much about the plot of the movie by reading this, but hopefully it will prove amusing and tide you over until my next post.





Everything looks like Zelda so far!!! #forrealsies

I don't know what's happening in this movie but it's kind of pretty?

OHHH! YA BURNT, THOR!

I never noticed but Anthony Hopkins and Headmaster Charleston have kind of the same voice! #Thor #Gilmore Girls #GilThorGirls

This is just like the scene where Headmaster Charleston catches Rory getting initiated to the Puffs, except with dudes in space

If only really hot guys fell from the sky IRL. Natalie Portman has all the luck!

I look away from the screen for five seconds and Thor is somehow fistfighting in the ER. Get it together, Thor!

If I've learned anything from movies it's that Stellan Skarsgard is probably not going to be a good boss. Get out NP and Kat Dennings!

NP hit Thor with a car twice already! Just like Patricia Clarkson and Peter Dinklage in The Station Agent! Practically the same movie!

Woah back in Space Hyrule it is way more boring. And Tom Hiddleston is a whiny little you-know-what! 

Get your grimy little paws off the Space Triforce, Tom Hiddleston! You ain't worthy of the Sacred Space Realm! 

"Who am I? :(" - Tom Hiddleston

Woah dude did you just yell at your dad so much he died? LOLOL nice job.

Woah NP just got a huge lady boner just from Thor kissing her hand. That's got to be embarrassing.

Imagine if Thor was ugly

No way would Natalie Portman give him a ride to the desert

She thinks he's a crazy homeless guy who smashes glasses and calls things "realms"

And starts fistfights at the hospital

But he's hot so she's just like "LOLOL let's go on an adventure! Those government guys stole my laptop!"

Wait that guy in the stupid armor with the Space Master Sword is Idris Elba????? WTF why would you hide his face I hate you Kenneth Branagh

Do u think Thor will be able 2 lift that heavy hammer nobody can lift? SUSPENSE!!!!!!!!!

OMFG he couldn't and now slow-mo rain is falling off his sad face WTF get it together, Thor!

Idris Elba is real sad in space now. Cheer up Idris!

Woah howtf did Loki get to Earth??? He looks less dumb in his human costume but should take a shower.

"I'm king now lololol suck it, Thor" - Loki "Wtf frowny face wtfwtfwtf frowny face" - Thor "P.S. mom hates you lololol TTFN!" - Loki 

EGG ON YOUR FACE TOM HIDDLESTON U CAN'T LIFT THE HAMMER EITHER YOU POSER! TAKE A SHOWER!

Stellan Skarsgard u so sneaky, though TBH it's not that hard to believe that Thor is just a drunken steroid enthusiast!

"I know NP has a lady boner 4 u. I was friends w/ her dad b4 he died" -Stellan "I ain't gonna hurt her!" - Thor "Good! More beer!" - Stellan

Woah Tom Hiddleston you are taking this daddy issues thing to a whole new level.

Romantic firelight moments w/ Natalie and Thor. Proving that even if u crazy u can get w/ beautiful scientists if u have nice abs

Yay Idris convinced Thor's lame space friends to stop eating and help him come back to boring Space Hyrule!

Thor is so humble now he gave scrambled eggs to Kat Dennings. Mission accomplished Headmaster Charleston!

Oh no Tom Hiddleston don't freeze Idris Elba! U R a jerk and I hope Thor punches you :(

Whotf is this giganto robot guy?? Am I supposed to know? Was it from the beginning of the movie when I wasn't paying attention?

Why does the lady warrior from Space Hyrule have cutouts in the back of her armor? She has a nice back and all but that seems kinda dumb.

"You stabbed me in my back cutouts! My only weakness! How did you know!" - Space Hyrule Lady Warrior in the future, probably

Thor ain't afraid of no robot

OMG is Thor dead? I totally bet he's dead for real! That's def how this movie ends, right? Obvs! 

In The Avengers he is just a ghost probably

LOL he doesn't even have to go lift up the hammer now that he is worthy, it just flies into his hand? LOLOLOLOL

Wait when did Thor have time to change out of his jeans and flannel and into this stupid-looking armor

THOR IS FIGHtING A ROBOT INSIDE A TORNADO!

Woah, all it takes to unfreeze Idris Elba is for Thor to stand in the middle of the desert and yell his name? 

Woah Tom Hiddleston you totes redeemed urself! But you will probably do something asshole-y in like 5 seconds.

Tell Loki why u mad, Thor!

Hey Loki! If somebody has to explain why killing a whole race is wrong you probably shouldn't be a king, just sayin'!

FIGHT SCENE! I AM TOTALLY RIVETED! JK I AM GONNA PLAY SNOOD UNTIL THOR WINS!

Oh no! Thor broke the Rainbow Road with his hammer!

Oh good Headmaster Charleston finally woke up and now for some reason Tom Hiddleston is falling into space? I don't get it but whatevs 

Thor is back in Space Hyrule but he's all sad because his bro fell into space and he can't see Natalie anymore since he broke Rainbow Road

OMG for real? The last thing that happens is Idris tells Thor that Natalie is using all her science knowledge to look for him? LAME