Sunday, March 11, 2012

Guest Recap: Point Break

Please welcome guest recapper Catherine West as she shows us the magic of an American classic (you can also check out her blog, Ghetto Yuppies, here)


I want to start this blog post asking people to try and NOT lose respect for me when I confess that for the first 25 or so years of my life I was in love with Keanu Reeves (part of me still is). This love in many aspects was toxic and abusive (and by abusive I mean I was being abused by bad acting). One of my favorite Keanu Reeves movies was “Point Break” which was released in 1991. Don’t judge me too harshly. It was the 1990s, people actually bought CDs by Vanilla Ice, Michael Jackson FINALLY decided to start living as a white woman, and President Clinton was a bit of a ho so I’m not the only one with questionable standards during that decade. Nevertheless, in my reckless blindness, I continued to look at Reeves’ movies, even the really bad ones (which was most of them) and continued to defend him to others who didn’t understand why in God’s name I needed to subject myself to his type of cinematic abortions. If you would have told me 15 years ago I’d be recapping and eviscerating “Point Break,” I would have stabbed you and shot you. Well, maybe not that, but I would have given you at dirty look at least. But now at 31 years of age, I’m older, wiser, and slightly ashamed of theatrically slummin’ it for so long and want to redeem myself in both God’s eyes and yours.


God will forgive me, right?

The movie begins with some sexy, sundown actions shots of a shadowed man surfing on the waves. He weaves effortlessly in and out of overarching water -- a master of his domain. He is at once showing you your life is shit because, “You can’t go on the beach and do what I do.” But they also probably don’t show you the scene when he comes in from the beach and goes to the beat up, rusty van he also lives in with his girlfriend “Sun Flower” and they go off happily and beg for change from the very people they probably hate. Life is hard.

Interspersed between sexy, surfing guy scenes, we see young, hot Keanu Reeves on a shooting range of some sort. He’s taking his final FBI exam or something. These tests apparently take place in the rain and the prospective agent-in-training has to wear a t-shirt that shows off his muscles. I’m sure this is how ALL agents of the FBI are christened. So Keanu is apparently kicking ass at shooting moving pieces of cardboard that are thieves, murderers, and terrorists, and luckily he doesn’t hit old people, women, and children. For this dramatic display of skill, the instructor gives him 100%. Really?! So they are now going to give him power and a badge and a gun because he killed the right pieces of cardboard? I want to become an FBI agent. My Sociology 101 final was harder than this, but I digress.

"1+1 = Wait, what were we talking about?! I have a gun and shoot stuff!"

One of the best parts of this movie is Keanu’s name -- Johnny Utah. It’s like a homoerotic cowboy from a 1950s spaghetti western. Classic.

I will be referring to Keanu by this name from here on out in the blog post.

Johnny is given his assignment in the bank robbery division of the FBI office in LA because he sure as hell can’t solve bank robberies and learn to surf in Minnesota. He will work under the intense leadership of FBI Director Ben Harp (John C. McGinley). Harp asks Special Agent Johnny if he’s eaten a solid breakfast because, “I want to make sure all my men maintain solid cardiovascular fitness. We don’t drink and we sure as hell don’t smoke.” Johnny replies, “I take the skin off chicken.” Yay, we now have a bunch of manorexics who are in charge of our general well being. Scary, right?


Harp is basically a Grade A asshole who is going to make Johnny’s life miserable because that’s what the script calls for. I mean have you ever seen a nice police lieutenant, captain, or commissioner in a movie? Also, Harp is probably jealous because all the women want Johnny Utah’s hot body.

We learn Johnny will be working with Agent Angelo Pappas (Gary Busey). Johnny finds Pappas, whose teeth should be a character all their own, in the FBI fitness quarters. Pappas is told by some guy (who looks like the dickwad gym coach we all had in high school) to retrieve two bricks from the bottom of a pool blindfolded. Pappas goes on and on about how he was the shit at the FBI and doesn’t get why he has to do this and seems generally disillusioned with the way the FBI is now run (probably because they now let women and minorities work with them).

Pappas prepares to go into the pool and puts the blindfold on still talking. Johnny walks up to him and hears Pappas say he’s been saddled with “some quarterback punk. Johnny Unitas or something.” See, we learn Johnny used to be a top quarterback at Ohio State until he blew out his knee so instead of learning to fight dogs, he decided to become an FBI agent. Isn’t that kickass?!

Anyway while Pappas is droning on and on about how he can’t stand his new partner, the dickwad gym coach informs him the person he’s talking to is the person he’s dissing. Pappas rips his blindfold off and doesn’t apologize, but introduces himself. Now this is where men baffle me because I would’ve punched him in the face, but Johnny figures Pappas has already made an ass of himself so he shows Pappas how cool he is by introducing himself as “Punk. Quarterback Punk.” Oh Johnny, you’re so witty. Pappas shakes his hand and belly flops into the pool to retrieve the bricks. Seriously, I’m questioning the way the FBI picks their agents.

Oh shit! Forget what I just said.

Now we get to the meat of the movie. In a darkened van we see four men dressed as the ex-Presidents Ronald Reagan, Richard Nixon, Lyndon B. Johnson and Jimmy Carter. Two Republicans and two Democrats. Isn’t it nice when we get bipartisan cooperation? So the guy disguised as Reagan quips, “Little hand says it’s time to rock and roll.” [Ed. Note: More like “Little hand says it’s time to change the channel”]

The four men jump out of the van and burst into a bank and start shouting and waving their guns around and the people are terrified. I mean if kids are there they could get an impromptu history lesson and that’s always a good thing.

Reagan jumps on the table stating they need a few moments of everyone’s time and they rob the bank in about a 90 seconds and vamoose. They’ve got this routine down to a science. As they are leaving, LBJ pulls down his pants and moons the camera and on his pale white ass you see the words, “THANK YOU!” Well at least they are polite while they are taking your money.

Brah, you gotta admire the skillz.


Yeah, we're the shit!

We hear Pappas say in the next scene The Ex-Presidents have robbed 27 banks in three years and they stick to the cash drawers and never go for the vault because they “never get greedy.” Ummm, that statement seems just slightly off base. You rob a bank, but you’re not greedy? Let’s marinate on that a bit.

Anyway, we have the next stereotypical characters in an action cop movie -- the rival team. In this case it’s Agents Alvarez and Babbit. Throwing their weight around they taunt Pappas and the newly minted Agent Johnny and ask Pappas if he’s told his new partner his theory on the bank robbers. They are being dicks probably because they didn’t get love at home, a priest touched them when they were young -- take your pick. Harp comes up and wants to know who will analyze a car for evidence on Mulholland Drive. Apparently The Ex-Presidents left it there after the robbery and it needs to be processed. Johnny immediately volunteers himself and Pappas to work the scene because he’s a little go-getter.


Pappas gives Johnny a hard time about working the crime scene so Johnny has finally had enough and wants to know what Pappas’ problem is and this is where Reeves turns his acting up a notch and by that I mean he yells in a monotone voice calling Pappas a burnout and wondering what the mysterious theory is on The Ex-Presidents.

Pappas then drops the bomb… they are living in a simulated environment known as “The Matrix” and the world is actually run by machines who use humans as batteries!

Same look; Different movie

Wait, sorry wrong movie. Pappas actually said The Ex-Presidents are surfers.

Wait. What?! Surfers! Dude, total mindfuck!

Pappas breaks it down for Johnny back in the office. While eating a healthy meal of takeout Chinese food and beer, Pappas tells Johnny to look at the tan line on LBJ’s ass; the scuff mark left on a countertop by one of the robbers has some weird kind of mustache wax in it that surfers also rub on their boards and use for traction; and the best evidence seems to be the times in which The Ex-Presidents rob banks span from June to October. Or it could be a bunch of male teacher mustache enthusiasts who go to the beach to get nice tans.

I mean my theory has weight too.

So he’s convinced young Johnny Utah his theory is right one, but how are they going to catch surfing bank robbers? Answer: By posing as one of them.

This plan can’t go wrong.

Fuck! I threw out my back!!!

Johnny goes into a surfing shop and buys a surfboard that has all kinds of neon pink and green and yellow. It looks like a Lisa Frank folder, but it’s a surfboard. The little kid who’s working the cash register, and is probably way too young to have a job, tells Johnny, “Surfing’s a source. It can change your life. Swear to God.” Awww, out of the mouths of babes.

Johnny asks Pappas why can’t he just walk around on the beach with the surfboard and looked stoned (which is how he normally looks)? Pappas says the surfers are like some kind of tribe. Johnny has to get out there and learn the moves.

“So the FBI is gonna pay me to learn to surf,” Johnny asks.

This is where our tax dollars are going people.

Johnny at first attempts to learn how to surf on his own because it doesn’t look that hard, but he almost drowns and is saved from certain annihilation (and a really embarrassing obituary) by the lovely Tyler (Lori Petty), another surfer, who was doing the whole punk rocker girl thing before Avril Lavigne turned it all dirty and corporate.

Johnny figures Tyler is the way he can both learn how to surf and make his official entrance into surfing society, but he needs a way in so he has one of FBI agents look up information about her and he finds out her parents died in a plane crash. So he uses that. Yeah, he uses an unfathomable family tragedy, goes into her place of work and lies to her about his parents dying in a car crash and how all his life he’s done things for other people and he wants to learn to surf because, “I want to do what you do.” Johnny turns on the charm and there’s a Sheryl Crow song playing in the background and Tyler is toast.

So we once again have another staple of movies -- the training montage. Tyler is teaching Johnny how to pop up on his board so he can surf like all the other cool people out there. This is followed by a montage of them getting on the water and having a good ole’ time using the skillz Tyler taught him on the beach.

OK cute guy I just met, we share the same tragedy. I'll do you a solid!

After a fun day of beginner surfing and light flirting, the pair is walking along the beach and Johnny’s eyes are drawn to the almost godlike man surfing the waves and taming them like wild dogs. At this point Johnny kinda looks like he has a hard on for the mysterious stranger on the water, but those rubber swim suits are really tight and it could have just been a shadow or something.

Tyler informs Johnny the radical guy on the waves is Bodhi (Patrick Swayze). People call him the “Bodhisattva.” You know, cause all surfers are Buddhist. Tyler says (with an almost wistfulness in her voice), Bodhi is a modern savage and a searcher of “the ultimate ride.” Which sounds a lot like death to me, but hey we all gotta get our kicks somewhere.

Bodhi finishes surfing and runs up behind Tyler, scoops her up and gives her a kiss. When he puts her down, Tyler says, “Umm we know each other.” Bodhi then disses Johnny’s surfboard saying, it looks like a ’57 Chevy he used to have.

Wow, I bet that Bodhi boner Johnny had went down a bit.

I'm still super hot for you, let's dance!

Bodhi’s friends are playing football on the beach and overthrow the ball and it ever so softly falls in Johnny’s arms. So everyone’s up for a little game of football.

It’s bonfires and crashing waves as the gang plays and Johnny gets to show off his football skillz hopefully to win back Tyler’s attention.

In the last play of football Johnny has a flashback and thinks he’s playing for the Heisman trophy and tackles Bodhi so hard they fall into the water. His friends, Grommet, Nathaniel and Roach (ok now they are just screwing with me and these names) are pissed but Bodhi tells his friends this is Johnny Utah. He was a kickass college football player. Lay off. Then they welcome him into their tribe.

Football brings everyone together.

In the morning Johnny and Pappas are being chewed out by Harp because their “surfing” Ex-Presidents theory has turned up nothing in two weeks, but the bank robbers have hit two more spots. Harp then asks if they have anything remotely interesting to tell him and Johnny replies, “I caught my first tube this morning, sir.” Yeah this is the FBI; take a good long, painful look.

I only had ONE bran muffin and haven't thrown up today guys. Give me a fuckin' break!

Luckily, during the most recent robbery, a security guard pulled LBJ’s ponytail and this produced a hair which was analyzed by one of the cuter women the FBI has hired. The hair has tons of chemicals in it and since so many beaches are being shut down because of all the chemical spills; this is another possible clue. Johnny and Pappas then go to find hair whose chemical patterns match those of LBJ’s because Johnny says surfers are territorial and stick mostly to one beach. Even better, Johnny and Pappas go to random beaches and get hair samples through a series of funny capers that include scissors and lying about bugs being on people’s heads. Sherlock Holmes doesn’t have shit on these guys.

They find their place: Latigo Beach. “Nice point break. Long workable rides,” says Johnny. Oh I just love it when they work the title of the story into the dialogue! Don’t you?

Johnny meanwhile decides to surf some more at Latigo Beach, but he apparently forgot his earlier conversation about surfers being territorial because he gets in on the action of another surfer who doesn’t take too kindly to being crowded on the water and gets some of his buddies (one of them is called Warchild and another one looks like the dude from Red Hot Chili Peppers) to go and beat up Johnny. Luckily, Johnny isn’t alone for too long in the fight as Bodhi gets in on the action and both of them kick ass. Bodhi uses some of the moves he learned in “Road House” but Johnny breaks his surfboard in the scuffle (so sad).

As they are new surfing BFFs and have kicked ass together, Johnny and Bodhi have a heart to heart about what it really means to be a surfer. “It’s a state of mind. It’s a place where you lose yourself and you find yourself,” Bodhi philosophies. This guy is deep, but this guy also has kick ass parties, one of which he is having that night and has invited Johnny.

Yeah it's all about the dudettes.

Before the party, Johnny and Pappas trail the assholes who tried to beat him up back to their pad which is a shitty house in a questionable neighborhood. Johnny gets background on the leader Bunker Weiss and finds he has quite the criminal history and decides these guys “fit the profile.” Johnny and Pappas stake out the place until Alvarez and Babbit relieve them and Harp gets the warrant which will be first thing in the morning.

Pappas tells Johnny to get some sleep, but he goes to Bodhi’s party which is at a luxurious house on the beach. Wait, so Bodhi surfs all day, has no trust fund or Roth IRA, and doesn’t seem to have a job other than hanging out, but he has beachfront property he’s renting? This raises no one’s suspicions?

Well there are fire breathers, people drinking, getting really, really high, and making out at this party so we’ll overlook the above discrepancies for now. While sitting at another big bonfire, Bodhi’s friends are talking about riding 25 foot waves and “the ultimate ride.” Why is it when they put the word “ultimate” in front of anything, you feel like they’re talking about death?

Johnny asks them what’s the biggest wave ever ridden and the guys yell out a bunch of places I think are in Hawaii or Tahiti. Bodhi says “Bell’s Beach, Australia” will be the biggest because the 50-year storm is coming and Bodhi believes this is a real thing and gives Johnny a weather forecast stating how cold fronts from Antarctica go through Asia or something and it creates a storm twice a century with 2,000 ft swells to let us know how small we really are. Isn’t that cool, dude?

I could die right now brah… of a possible herpes outbreak.

“If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love,” Bodhi says. Umm I’m gonna call bullshit right here. The screenwriter probably just needed something cool to say, but I don’t think dying as water is choking the life out of you is a good way to go, but that’s just me.

Tyler leaves because she’s tired of the overly macho dialogue too and saunters off in her ultra tight, short, light blue crushed velvet dress. Johnny stares longingly -- at her ass -- and follows her into one of the rooms which have a bunch of votive candles sitting around as if it’s not a fire hazard in the home, but it’s cool because they’re close to water.

The candles serve their purpose for it to be all romantic looking and create a moment of obvious mutual attraction between two beautiful people. Tyler warns Johnny about Bodhi, saying he’ll “take you to the edge and past it.”

Do all people who spend a lot of time on the beach talk like this? Those chemical spills really are screwing things up. I think I might go join Greenpeace or something.


Save the Earth -- from shitty movies like Point Break!

Bodhi materializes in the doorway and invites them both for a night surf and since Johnny’s board got broken, Bodhi offers him one of his. Isn’t that precious?

On the moonlit beach in the waves, Bodhi offers Johnny really good surfing advice and it magically works and Johnny is surfing in no time like he has a stunt double! This great display of skillz also seals Tyler’s attraction for Johnny and when everyone leaves to go get something to eat they have sex on the beach (I should make a joke about the drink or something, but that’s kinda obvious).

The next morning Johnny bolts up and realizes he’s super late to the warrant serving on Bunker Weiss he helped orchestrate, but good lovin’ will knock anybody out for a while.

Johnny leaves the beach and speeds to the raid and everybody is pissed and give him the stink eye, but the raid is more important so they go in there guns ablazin. There’s a lot of shooting and Pappas has to kill a guy. Johnny has to kill a guy and there are a couple of women (one naked and one in underwear) who are pretty but will end up being on crystal meth eventually.

We find out after all the shooting and testosterone and titties, one of the arrested is an undercover DEA agent (Tom Sizemore -- who would later go on to be featured in reality show “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.” Tell me you don’t see the irony in that). Apparently the DEA already had an undercover operation going on and the FBI fucked it up. The DEA agent has records on the past three months and there is no way Bunker Weiss’ crew are The Ex-Presidents.

Shit man! You made me late for Dr. Drew's one-on-one session!

So Johnny screws up pretty bad and instead of going to church to pray for the lost souls he’s sent to Hell or doing paperwork on the raid, he goes and has hot sex with Tyler after which Bodhi comes to his house at five in the morning and orders Johnny and Tyler to go surfing.

While walking on the beach, Johnny watches Bodhi's group surfing and starts to suspect they are The "Ex-Presidents" because they’re all laughing and having fun and not being all radical about whose on their break (see I’m using some of the lingo now). One of them moons everyone in the same way one of the robbers does when leaving the bank.

Johnny tells Tyler he has a meeting with a new client (because he lied to his surf pals and told them he was a lawyer) and leaves the beach because he now has a sneaking suspicion these guys are The Ex-Presidents. Yeah, apparently mooning someone can get you on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted List so watch out! Since Osama is dead, they are looking for a new #1. Don’t moon your friends or you’re it.

Butt crack: more recognizable than fingerprints

At night he meets Pappas in an alley and says he’s got a new suspect -- the guy he’s becoming close friends with, Bodhi. GASP!

Earlier that day we learn Johnny followed Bodhi and his suspicions were confirmed when he sees Bodhi and Roach casing a bank. Of course The Ex-Presidents need one final score before they disappear for the year.

The next day, Johnny and Pappas stake out the bank and while waiting, Pappas asks Johnny to get him two meatball sandwiches (Harp better not find out about this). The "Ex-Presidents" appear and rob the bank while Pappas is reading the comics and thinking about meatball sandwiches. Luckily, Johnny sees them and chases Reagan down on foot as the other ex-Presidents escape by car.

The chase that ensues is epic dudes and dudettes.

However, when Johnny is chasing Reagan, he has to hop a fence and lands on his knee enflaming his old football wound. Johnny yells at Reagan to stop and looks in his deep blue eyes. Those are the same deep blue eyes Bodhi has. Johnny can’t pull the trigger and Reagan/Bodhi runs away.

I wanna do it, but damn those blue eyes of yours Bodhi!

In frustration, Johnny empties his gun in the air and bellows out in frustration. Yep, he’s shooting into the air without thought for the possibility of those bullets coming back down and hitting his face. He’s forgetting everything they taught him in tight t-shirt wearing, in-the-rain shooting FBI school.

Bodhi’s cronies are freaking out. “Dude, he’s FBI. We’re so fucked. Holy shit! Why do we trust people?” Bodhi then gives a rousing Braveheart-like speech about how they all stand for something for those souls inching away in their metal coffins going to their shitty little lives and living their shitty little existence. Yeah, they are totally giving their stolen money away to the poor and building schools in Africa like Oprah. Oh wait, they don’t do that they get stoned and drunk and rent beach houses and surf and rob banks. Hypocrite much?

Once again despite the bogus day he’s had Johnny still manages to have dirty, dirty sex with Tyler and falls asleep. In the next frame, we see a gun slowly inching towards his face and the person shoots. Wait! It’s NOT Bodhi, it’s Tyler. She went snooping around his house (like girls do) and found his FBI badge which he apparently doesn’t know how to hide very well. So instead of writing him a letter she knows everything or wake him up or slap him, she shoots the pillow next to this head. That’s a normal reaction because Johnny is a jerk and lied about his parents being dead. What’s hilarious is she asks if Johnny has a soul and runs out of the house.

This chick almost killed a guy in his sleep, but wants to know if Johnny has a soul? These people are fucked up. I’m not going to the beach anymore!

After a few minutes, Bodhi shows up at Johnny’s house unannounced -- AGAIN -- and tries to get Johnny to see his side of things by going skydiving with him and Johnny actually goes because he doesn’t have official proof and Bodhi really does throw kick ass parties.


In the plane, the guys all know who one another is, but they are playing around like they still like one another even though they hate Johnny’s guts and Johnny hates them. It’s like a typical Thanksgiving at your house.

So Johnny jumps out of the plane with Bodhi and they land in water. After the jump, Bodhi is like we know you’re an FBI agent and Rosie (yeah, the guy’s name is Rosie but he wears a lot of leather and has a big knife, REALLY?!) has kidnapped Tyler.

Bodhi figures the only real way for Johnny to see the error of is law abiding ways is to rob a bank with them -- WITHOUT a mask. I guess The Ex-Presidents don’t want their name to be sullied. It’s like when you see the real ex-Presidents and they try to sit just a little further from George Bush, Jr. Kinda like that.

So while they are holding up the bank, Bodhi tells them to go for the vault. WHAT?! They NEVER go for the vault! So an off-duty police officer and a security guard (who probably tries to relive his days in ‘Nam) attempt to foil the robbery but get themselves killed and kill Grommet. Angered by the death, Bodhi knocks Johnny out and leaves him at the scene (like it’s Johnny’s fault when he took the kid to his bank robbing missions).

This Is Bullshit: The Johnny Utah Story

After the robbery, Harp is having a shit fit and has Pappas arrest Johnny for robbing the bank. But Pappas and Johnny have known each other for at least a month so Pappas is not going to listen to his dickwad of a boss and puts his career and freedom on the line and unhandcuffs Johnny when they are alone. I bet he’d even cosign on a loan for Johnny now. They’re FBI brothers for life.

Pappas and Johnny go to the airport where Bodhi and last of The Ex-Presidents are about to leave for Mexico (where Rosie awaits them with Tyler). Of course another raging gun battle breaks out and Pappas and Nathaniel are killed and Roach gets shot in the stomach. Out of bullets, Johnny is forced into the plane with the bleeding Roach and Bodhi. See this is why I don’t want to fly coach anymore!

Bodhi and Roach jump out of the plane and they don’t leave a parachute for Johnny so he can take the rap for all of the bank robberies. But Johnny has another crazy ass plan up his sleeve and jumps from the plane with the gun Bodhi left behind because -- well the movie stopped making sense like 30 minutes ago so just go with it.

Same shit; Different day

Amazingly after only jumping out of a plane one other time, Johnny manages to intercept Bodhi before he lands and puts the gun to his head and tells him to pull the parachute.

No way dude! Bodhi is so hardcore that even with a gun to his head and rapidly approaching the ground he tells Johnny he better lose the gun and pull the parachute himself (at this point even I am willing to admit Bodhi has balls the size of a whale’s). Johnny relents and pulls Bodhi’s parachute so they can both land and not become canyon ground beef (that sounds like a Hamburger Helper recipe).

Once on the ground, Bodhi and Rosie meet up and take the money strapped to Roach who is now dead. Johnny lost the gun and his knee's all messed up again from landing so Bodhi throws him a bone and orders Rosie to release Tyler who runs to Johnny and hugs him fiercely (I bet he’s looking pretty good now compared to your last boyfriend who had you kidnapped).

Bodhi and Rosie escape.

Nine months later in Bell’s Beach, Australia, we see Johnny with his hair longer, his beard scruffier and wearing a lot of denim, like a lot of it. There is a massive storm and the waves are bigger than anyone has ever seen. Could it be Bodhi was right about the 50-year storm? He wasn’t right about robbing banks, but he’d make an awesome weather man.

Everyone is hauling ass off the beach except for one man who simply waits and watches the water. I wonder who that could be? Johnny knows.

He goes down to the beach and walks up behind Bodhi and throws down the Reagan mask he used in the robberies. I don’t think the FBI would approve Johnny using evidence so carelessly, but he has to make a point.

Bodhi asks Johnny if he still surfs and Johnny says he surfs every day.

I don't take baths anymore Bodhi. Baths are for pussies!

Johnny tells Bodhi he “has to go down.” But Bodhi is not going out like that and once again tries to put some of the “Road House” moves on Johnny, but it doesn’t work and Johnny handcuffs Bodhi.

Bodhi is so pissed he can’t go out and surf now so he starts bitching like a little girl about how he’s been waiting his whole life for this moment and he promises to come right back after surfing just one wave (I lost some respect for him at that point), and Johnny, remembering the fake friendship they once had, uncuffs Bodhi so he can take that last big ride and “bite it” in style.

Bodhi paddles out, finds the biggest, baddest wave and surfs it -- unsuccessfully -- and dies. I imagine pretty painfully. The Australian cops who accompany Johnny to the beach stupidly say, “We’ll get him when he comes back in.” Johnny saunters off and quips, “He’s not coming back” and throws his FBI badge into the ocean.


Vaya con dios, brah!

So that kid at the surf shop was right, surfing will change your life. It will turn into a denim-wearing, hippie burnout who grows long hair, and quits a promising job at the FBI to surf all day. Where is that damn kid so Johnny can punch him in the face?!